50 Reasons Why We Should Give Up On Sasuke Uchiha
by List-Me-The-Reasons
Summary: "Well, to begin with, he took the refrigerator with him when he left. Oh, and my wallet too." -Naruto
1. Because He Stole Our Food

Never written for this fandom before, but please read and review ^^

Reason #1: He Stole Our Food

._.

Back in Team Seven's genin days, they had their own training area, and (of course), their own rest area. After training vigorously for hours they could have spent doing something productive, they went to the snack area they'd hidden under some random tree. Somehow they had managed to build a bunker and line the shelves inside with junk food. The method they had used to create the bunker in the first place had been rather questionable, but they claimed "magic" whenever asked.

Anyways, all sorts of junk foods were stored in their bunker. Naruto had even brought in an Xbox and Kakashi had provided a TV for entertainment. Sakura brought the games, and Sasuke had all the controllers so they could do multi-player. It was a damn good recreation room, and no one was able to get in but them. Plus it was good for team-building.

But they really should have put a lock on the refrigerator, Naruto thought. He opened said fridge and sighed, his day worsening already. A week ago Sasuke had ran away with the pedo-bear, and apparently he had taken the food in their rec room with them. While Naruto was over Sasuke running away, it pissed him off that he'd had the gall to take the refrigerator with him! What a dickhead, he shook his head and went to go sit on the couch between Sakura and Kakashi, who were playing Call of Duty.

"Hey Naruto," Sakura didn't take her eyes off the screen as she shot down the invading forces. "Did you find my purse yet?"

Naruto took over for Kakashi who rushed over to the bathroom. He threw a grenade to blow up a pack of terrorists. "No," he answered as he ducked behind a broken-down car. He was shot from the side and he cursed, turning his character to shoot the enemy. "What about my wallet? Do you know if I left it in the hospital?"

Sakura shook her head. "No, I haven't seen it anywhere. I've even looked under the cushions," she patted the material beneath them, "but I didn't find it. That's weird; the couch is usually where all lost stuff goes."

The bathroom door opened and Kakashi reclaimed his spot next to his students. Naruto returned the controller to him, and between the time which he passed over the remote, Kakashi's character died. The words "mission failed" appeared on both screens, and the two players groaned. Naruto's stomach growled, and he joined them in their misery.

"No food, and no money to buy food," Naruto complained. "This is all Sasuke's fault."

As he shifted in spot, there was a crunching beneath them. Hoping it was a bag of chips, Naruto stood to see what it was. He sighed when he realized it was only a note from their runaway teammate. He picked it up and squinted at the small text to read.

_Took the fridge with me. And I used your money for cab fare._

_-Sasuke_

_P.S: You suck_

__With that moment passed, Naruto decided to never look for Sasuke ever again. He wasn't worth the trouble.


	2. Because Sasuke is a Pyromaniac

50 Reasons- Sasuke

#2 Because Sasuke Is a Pyromaniac

._.

When Naruto woke up in the morning, he found that Konoha had been reduced to ashes for he fifth time that week. Thankfully they had that Yamato guy to build houses with his wood jutsu, but he felt sorry for the guy because as long as the culprit was on the loose, he would have to keep rebuilding the city. Last time Naruto checked, wood was flammable, and having a city made out of wood wasn't their best idea. He made a note to himself to find a brick jutsu user if they even existed.

Since his whole apartment had been destroyed by fire, that meant Naruto didn't have to look for his wardrobe. He went outside in his pajamas and said hello to the neighbors, then went to find his friends.

_Man, I feel sorry for those people that sleep naked,_ Naruto thought when he saw some guy cover himself, having realized he was exposed and probably should have worn something before going to bed. Naruto laughed when the man's girlfriend found him, looked down south, pointed and laughed as she howled "It's so tiny!" This made other people turn around and shriek with laughter.

Sakura showed up as shed decided to follow the source of the commotion. Naruto watched her snicker before averting her eyes to talk to him. Thankfully Sakura wasn't a nudist, because she was wearing her pajamas and fluffy batman-themed snuggy.

"Town burned down again," she started casually. The town burning down was a common occurrence and it didn't bother anyone anymore. "We should move to the Sand. Those guys live in sandcastles," she folded her arms and shifted her weight onto one foot, then the other. Naruto assumed that she had to use the bathroom but couldn't because all the bathrooms had been burned down. He suggested she go piss on the Great Hokage statues, but Sakura hit him on the head and said that was disgusting. And disrespectful.

Before he could suggest the woods, he remembered that they'd burned down along with the original village. He suggested the Hokage Heads again.

While Naruto and Sakura were bickering, Yamato and Kakashi approached them. Just randomly. No reason.

"Bathrooms are up," Yamato yawned. Sakura muttered a few words of gratitude and then left to go find them, leaving Naruto alone with his two superiors. Since they had nothing interesting to start a conversation, they stood there awkwardly.

Kakashi pretended to be interested in a nearby bird, and Yamato just stood there, staring at his feet. Kakashi shoved his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants, and then Yamato decided to look at his watch. A cloud covered up the sun at that moment and they used this as a chance to speak.

"I hope it doesn't rain," Yamato said and then coughed into his elbow. "That will ruin my hard work."

Naruto winced sympathetically when the clouds suddenly covered the entire sky and began to rain. Murphy's law. Yamato sighed and sat down on the ground, giving up on reconstruction for the day. Sakura returned in a better humor, carrying a bag of doritos with her. They all took some and began to crunch to fill the awkward silence.

Sakura returned to their earlier conversation about the Sand. "It must be nice to have a house that doesn't burn down all the time. I bet all they have to worry about is enemies coming in and kicking their houses down like people do at the beach."

"Must be nice," Naruto agreed halfheartedly. He would still rather have a house of wood that burned down every time he turned his back to it. A house of sand couldn't possibly be very stable.

Before Sakura could continue to compare the housing differences between Konoha and the Sand, Yamato lifted a piece of paper.

Kakashi took it since the others didn't think to, and read it out loud.

"_Dear Konoha_," he read, "_fuck you._" Kakashi lowered the paper and crumpled it up, then tossed it aside. He'd wondered why a piece of paper had been allowed to survive the fire, but now he knew. "Sasuke left that behind. His name was on it." And not caring that Sasuke had even bothered to leave a message, he stomped the paper into the dirt until he was satisfied with the damage dealt to it.

They all shrugged since they didn't really care about Sasuke anymore. He'd gotten old volumes ago, so no one was even paying attention to him anyways. This was probably just a "cry for attention" as they called it.

"What a prick." Naruto shook his head disapprovingly. "Remind me why we even bother with him."

"..."

The group was silent, unable to think of one reason why they were putting so much effort into bringing back a guy who clearly hated their guts and wanted them dead. Then they forgot about him, went to McDonalds to order Big Macs, and ate them at Taco Bell.

And that was the story of how they cured cancer, found Waldo, solved a rubix cube, and saved Christmas.

._.

I'm bored.

There's your chapter :) Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I got busy.

But not in a perverted way.

O.o


	3. Because He Kicked a Puppy

50 Reasons Sasuke #3 - He Kicked a Puppy

And by puppy we mean huge and bloodthirsty dog. Still wrong, though.

.50Reasons.

"_Hey did you hear? That Uchiha kid kicked a mutt yesterday..."_

_"He kicked a dog? Oh my _gosh,_ I have to tell Sandra!"_

_"Sasuke Uchiha kicked a_ puppy?_"_

_"... really, I know the Uchiha kid is given a blind eye when trouble comes along, but that's just wrong."_

Naruto looked up from his fifth ramen bowl at his favorite restaurant, stuffing his face with food but stopping to hear the town's latest gossip. Having heard the name of his best/worst frenemy, he had caught onto some of the conversations going around and wasn't quite sure what to make of them.

The owner of the ramen bar leaned forward over the counter. "Boy, there sure is a lot of hype about the Uchiha kid. I wonder what's going on," he commented.

A customer answered his question, unsure of who he had been talking to but willing to speak anyways. "Apparently he beat up a dog. The dog family caught wind of it- no pun intended- and they're really upset over it."

"The Inuzuka family?" Naruto jumped into the somewhat three-way conversation. "I have a friend who's part of that family- Kiba." He crossed his arms and frowned as he thought of the hotblooded Inuzaku's reaction to that. "I wondered why he looked so upset earlier."

And by upset, I mean shouting "Where is that motherfucker? I'll chop his **** off!" with Akamaru barking in agreement.

Unfortunately that was considered normal for Kiba, but he had threatened to do some other very graphic things that Naruto wouldn't dare to mention. That was still only slightly overboard, but enough to be considered angrier than usual.

Just as the ramen bar owner was about to throw his thoughts in, a shout from nearby brought their attention to a scene happening from behind.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT ****ING DOG WAS TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Ah, that must be Sasuke right now," Naruto said. He paid for his meal and pushed himself off of his seat to leave, barely making it two steps away before being trampled over by none other than Akamaru and Kiba. He twitched and got up to watch Sasuke being chased by the pair, wondering if he should help or not.

If he did help, then he would be associated with the puppy-kicker and further shunned by the town. _Curse you, peer pressure,_ he thought.

If he didn't help, maybe Sasuke wouldn't notice?...

"Naruto, get these flea bags away from me!" Sasuke ordered as he flashed by, still being chased by the angry duo.

_Guess not._

With a sigh, Naruto summoned several clones to form a blockade. Needless to day, Kiba and his dog crashed into the clones but stopped their mad rampage nonetheless. Sasuke came back, using one of the clones as a shield in case Kiba tried anything.

Which he did.

"Naruto, let me beat up that mother****ing bastard!" he shouted while two Naruto clones held him back.

"Sorry," the orange ninja apologized, "I would let you, I really would," at this he received a glare from Sasuke, "but I don't think violence is the answer here."

Surprised Naruto was suddenly a peace advocate of some sort, Kiba blinked and scratched his head. He hadn't thought of Naruto as a mature person until now, and found his dealing with the situation as an alternative method to handle his troubles.

Realizing he had said something smart, Naruto panicked and quickly thought of a way to ruin the moment. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, placing it in Kiba's hand and hurriedly added, "Violence isn't the answer. But you can always settle disputes in court if you want."

Kiba looked at the card and stored it in his pocket to use later. He glared at Sasuke, who had put down the Naruto clone and kicked it over.

"I'll see you in court, Uchiha!" Kiba shouted, pointing his finger at the puppy kicker. "We'll make sure you get convicted for your hate crime against canines. If you're lucky- REAL lucky- then you'll only get off with a few years in the slammer!"

Naruto wanted to say that wasn't exactly how courts worked, but he supposed Sasuke could be charged with animal abuse and serve a short time behind bars. Depending on how serious he was found guilty, he could be charged with a fine to being sentenced many years.

With a jury that was bound to be swayed on the matter no matter who the found, Naruto had a feeling that Sasuke wasn't getting off easy on this one. Uchiha or not, a puppy was a puppy and there was no way anyone would be okay with that.

"Do you even have any evidence?" Naruto called after Kiba. "Were there any witnesses at the alleged time and place?"

"Nope!"

_Last time I checked, evidence was required for an accusation such as that_.

But Naruto kept quiet, never looking at his puppy-kicking friend as he too walked away. He was sure the matter would solve itself eventually. Until then, he would have to teach Sasuke about what was right and wrong, otherwise his friend might turn into a serial puppy-kicker.

.50Reasons.

Written during a study hall! Er, half study hall, but that was all the time I had. Don't think I've forgotten about this story, though, because I have plenty more ideas and I know how to write them *proud face*

I just need more time to write o.o

(I also need to get off of Tumblr)


	4. Because He Seriously Needs a Haircut

Reason Four: Because He Seriously Needs a Haircut

And yeah, his hair bugs me. Long hair is fine from time to time on guys, but it bugs me when the hair goes past the chin (like it did during those chunin exams. My gosh, that really looked weird!) which is why I'm putting this up as one of the reasons, however lame it is.

-50ReasonsWhy-

"Sasuke," came the voice of none other than Kakashi Hatake, his teacher and instructor. The moody teenager in question raised his head from the _How to Kill Your Older Brother For Dummies _book and bookmarked the page. Beside Kakashi was a pink-haired annoyance and a blond-haired bigger annoyance. He nearly resumed his reading, but forced himself to waste moments of his life that could be used to plot his revenge instead of whatever tomfoolery these three were indubitably about to engage in and question if he would please, please join them because it would be such _wonderful_ team-bonding. But he would rather stick his head in a pile of horse dung like an ostrich than do anything with these people.

"What?" he snapped (moodily). "What could you possibly want this time?"

Recent team-bonding attempts included community service and chasing after stray cats. That's what Kakashi claimed at least; Sasuke was certain these were D-rank missions forced on them during their free time. The silver-haired jounin was known for his ways of smooth-talking. One time he had convinced them all into doing a blind trust fall. He said that they would have to trust him, but instead of actually catching them, he let them fall and when later questioned would say that they moved out of the way last second.

He had learned not to trust this person instead for his own good. Naruto (the blond, grinning idiot) and Sakura (the pink-haired, other grinning idiot) could go ahead and trust Kakashi with their lives like the morons they were, but he hoped that they weren't relying on Sasuke to deliver the eulogy because they all knew Kakashi was lazy and probably wouldn't show up to their funerals. And if he did, he'd arrive late with that ever-present book in his hands.

Anyways.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "It has come to my attention that your hair has been getting far too long, Sasuke. Now, your teammates and I agreed that while yes, long hair is nice and sort of an Asian thing, and we don't want to offend your culture- whatever it is- in anyway, but your hair length is just plain ridiculous." To get his point across, he produced a ruler from thin air and held it beside Sasuke's freakishly long black hair. The ruler wasn't long enough, so they took out measuring tape. "Hold on..."

Not even with a yard stick were they able to properly measure the length of his hair. It was even braided back (courtesy of the blonde idiot named Ino) but they agreed that undoing the braid would cause disaster and that his hair would be fine for now as was.

"You get the point!" Kakashi shouted in frustration, tossing the yard stick away and to god-knows-where. "Your hair is so long that it's just weird now! I know the animation of our show has been a little wonky lately, and you haven't been to a proper barber in years, BUT YOU CAN'T NEGLECT THESE THINGS!"

Sasuke promptly gave his mentor and his pupils the bird. It was true that his hair was long, but only because he had been so focused on plotting his revenge that he sort of forgot about his outer appearance. Besides, this was a free country, wasn't it?

_Oh wait, no, that's America._

Sasuke hoped there weren't any laws against long hair in Konoha-Japan-whatever country they were in.

As Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura all closed in on him with their own pairs of scissors, he thought that yes, since this is an _anime,_ there probably are some weird laws against long hair. Because anime gets weird as hell like that.

-50Reasons-

A/N: Bluh. You guys haven't heard from me in a long time. Sorry I got busy :( But I do plan on continuing this, in case anyone was wondering (or is still here)


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